I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
