Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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