I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
