I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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