Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
