and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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