i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
