I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
two words: eviction party
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have fence marks all over my body
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
