3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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