Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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