are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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