FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
