I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
