she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
