Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
