I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she pinky promised me she was 18
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
