I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
