Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
