I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
