How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
