It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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