I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
