Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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