He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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