My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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