so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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