Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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