Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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