i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
