just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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