How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think your dad took our porno
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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