who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
