I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
