Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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