Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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