I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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