Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
