rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
