What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wow bdsm is so cute
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
