made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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