i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
