aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
