He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
