dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
