hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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