I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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