Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
