Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
