she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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