Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
